Have you ever been caught by surprise at how things on the periphery of your world can influence your life profoundly? I am feeling a little like that right now. People I care about are taking heavy blows and feeling stunned. My work is preparing for a major software implementation and sometimes it feels like using the new program is our "job" when it is in fact only a small part of what we really do.
This week while attempting to learn the new system before I leave for vacation (uber-busy week), some really bad things have happened around me. One coworker is diagnosed with breast cancer, another's son dies suddenly and without explanation, and yet another discovers her husband has an aggressive metastatic cancer and may soon die. This news came in 2 days time. The work place feels dangerous, sad, and out of control.
I keep thinking I will skip out and ride my bike to clear my head, ride out some of the stress and exhaust myself. But the phone rings and another emergency takes precedence. Hearing about, and dealing with another tragedy is distracting, but adds to the emotional baggage of this terrible week. It's hard to sleep, to concentrate, to find words to express feelings of support. It feels like I am adrift in a dangerous sea. I am thirsty, antsy, anxious, and somehow distanced from the danger and friendship around me.